I just cut my nipple shaving
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
