Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
that may or may not have been my penis.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
