Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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