She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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