Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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