I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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