If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
this will be a night to untag.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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