I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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