Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
