i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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