Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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