Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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