I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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