Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Yo dont text me then not text me
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
