More tranny stories later!
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
