Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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