I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
