here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
