I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
