She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
