No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
