also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Rumble strips road head = magical
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
