aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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