And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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