this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I got inside last night via doggy door
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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