Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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