He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
