i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
