my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm both gender and math confused
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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