i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
