he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He kissed a someone with a penis
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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