I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
