you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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