I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
