some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I enjoy the company of your penis
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
