I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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