I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
