i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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