oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
