I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
