The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
