covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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