Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
