cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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