Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
