Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
