I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
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He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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