If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
