Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
