Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize