I look better un-naked...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
