Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
