so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
