soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
