when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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