I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
