Fuck appropriateness.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
