i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
