I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
