you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
