doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
